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Sunday, August 12, 2007

THE PAINT CAN..

A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for an entire month." The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying, and the husband is obviously very depressed."You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly.The pastor asked him what happened. "Well, the first week w as difficult; however we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. The third week, however, was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible or anything to keep our minds free of carnal thoughts.One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there," admitted the man, shamefacedly."You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor."We know," said the young man, hanging his head. "We're not welcome at Home Depot, either."

Friday, August 10, 2007

NO! SEX DOES NOT CURE A MIGRAINE!

Sorry folks for my absence... I've been a little uninspired...but I had a conversation with another wife the other day and she said...!$!@@ Put that in your blog.... So here it is...

What the Wife Says: This migraine really has me feeling bad. I think I will get to bed early.
What her Husband Hears: My head sorta hurts, I think I need some sex.

What the Wife Does: Puts on her night gown with her granny panties and climbs in the bed.
What the Husband Does: Gets naked and drops all of his clothes on the floor as he leaps into bed.

What the Wife Thinks: He has got to be kidding....didn't he hear what the hell I just said!
What the Husband Thinks:

(Note: this space is blank because he is not thinking!)



What Happens Next:

Send me what happens next! This is an interactive forum so tell me what you think happens next. Just click on "Post a Comment' and it will take you to a comment box. As always, you can choose to remain incognito!


Signed,
You've inspired me!

Monday, July 9, 2007

Let's Talk About Talking!

Do you find that you and your spouse have time to talk? I don't mean just question and answer...do you actually talk?

Remember when you were dating how you stayed on the phone for hours rambling about nothing! What you doin'? Nothin'. What you doin'? Back then, you were trying to impress one another by doing whatever you thought you had to do to keep that person's interest.

Well, for those of us who have kids, that means putting the kids to bed early to allow for some time for you and your spouse to talk. Now, that is the true test.

How do you put the kids to bed early? Priorities! It seems, you've got to make spouse time a priority. Some of you are able to get your kids to bed early but are not using that opportunity to talk to your spouse. And no... asking, "Did you set the alarm does not qualify as meaningful conversation"! I am thinking it can only occur at the end of the evening... at least for my family. Since we are full speed ahead heading for 'night-night' as soon as we walk in the door from work. And with a two year old (going on 52) it is difficult for mommy and daddy to get a word in edge wise.

For those of you who have figured it out, WHAT'S THE SECRET? How do you get in your daily dose of spouse talk? What do you talk about? What happens if you miss a day? I often find myself wanting to talk to my husband about something and then something else comes up and pushes that topic to the back of my mind only to never be spoken of again...until I arrive home one evening and realize that no one picked the baby up! (I knew there was something I was needing to tell him!)

Or better then that, you over hear your husband mention to a friend that he is taking medication to lower his cholesterol. What!$@#@!*! He never told me that...or maybe he did, but I thought he said something about changing his oil!


Signed,
Looking for ways to lower my baby daddy's cholesterol!