The FIVE Love Languages

Who knew there were five love languages! And all of this time I have only spoken one. So, I am reading this new book, "The five love languages:How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" by Gary Chapman. And since I am also reading 4 other books, it's going a little slow. I hope that once I get into reading it I will not put it down until I have read it completely. But in the meantime, I can tell you this....I am monolingual as it relates to the specific language of "quality time".

What about you...has anyone else read this? Could sure use the Cliff Notes right about..now!


Signed,
"The problem isn't my love--it's my love language!"

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Let's Talk About Talking!

Do you find that you and your spouse have time to talk? I don't mean just question and answer...do you actually talk?

Remember when you were dating how you stayed on the phone for hours rambling about nothing! What you doin'? Nothin'. What you doin'? Back then, you were trying to impress one another by doing whatever you thought you had to do to keep that person's interest.

Well, for those of us who have kids, that means putting the kids to bed early to allow for some time for you and your spouse to talk. Now, that is the true test.

How do you put the kids to bed early? Priorities! It seems, you've got to make spouse time a priority. Some of you are able to get your kids to bed early but are not using that opportunity to talk to your spouse. And no... asking, "Did you set the alarm does not qualify as meaningful conversation"! I am thinking it can only occur at the end of the evening... at least for my family. Since we are full speed ahead heading for 'night-night' as soon as we walk in the door from work. And with a two year old (going on 52) it is difficult for mommy and daddy to get a word in edge wise.

For those of you who have figured it out, WHAT'S THE SECRET? How do you get in your daily dose of spouse talk? What do you talk about? What happens if you miss a day? I often find myself wanting to talk to my husband about something and then something else comes up and pushes that topic to the back of my mind only to never be spoken of again...until I arrive home one evening and realize that no one picked the baby up! (I knew there was something I was needing to tell him!)

Or better then that, you over hear your husband mention to a friend that he is taking medication to lower his cholesterol. What!$@#@!*! He never told me that...or maybe he did, but I thought he said something about changing his oil!


Signed,
Looking for ways to lower my baby daddy's cholesterol!

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My secret is out! He smacks me.

Recently, a close friend of mine and a blogger 'neophyte' asked me since blogging is so public, was I sure that I wanted the world to know that I was having marital problems? My question to her was, "Who in the world is married and does not have problems?" And isn't that the point? There are lots' of people who are married and having 'problems' but would never admit it. There are many of us, who may think we have problems but in reality a spouse who smacks loudly at the dinner table (okay in some households this could be argued as acceptable behavior) is really insignificant when compared to someone who is in an abusive marriage. So, the content of this blog is not a reflection of 'problems' I may be having (although I think we've got the smacking thing under control) but an opportunity for open, honest dialogue from all who have an interest in the state of "the union" between a man and a woman and particularly black couples. As far as reader comments, I think I have set my page so that your post can remain anonymous so you are free to move about the dialogue...but just in case, send a test comment first before putting your "best-friend and his wife" out on blast!

Signed,
I haven't been smacked in weeks

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SAVE MONEY. MARRY IN TEXAS.

A look at some notable bills that made it, and some that didn't, in the regular session of the 80th Texas Legislature.

Passed, awaiting action by governor
Marriage fee: Increases the Texas marriage license fee from $30 to $60 but waives the fee and a 72-hour waiting period for couples who take a premarital education course. Wow, could Texans be on to something? Wonder what the research says on the divorce rate of couples who completed some type of premarital education course or counseling? What do you think? Does it make a difference?

Failed
Covenant marriage: Would have allowed couples applying for a marriage license or couples already married to designate theirs a 'covenant marriage,' making divorce more difficult. Hmmmm....can someone help me understand what is a "covenant marriage"?

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COMMUNICATION

Yep! Communication is the #1 cause of divorce. I would categorize it as the number one cause for "premature divorce". Meaning couples would have a greater chance of succeeding in marriage earlier in their relationship if only they would master the skillfull art of communicating! So if you thought one of the other 'issues' would be the #1 cause, let me explain to you how communication leads the pack over and above the others.

Infidelity: spouses cheat because there is a severe break down in communication. He ain't talking to her and she ain't talking to him! Perhaps you should "talk" about the things that are creating a gap in your relationship and a bridge over the troubled waters! Listen when she speaks, hear what he says!

Finances: Financial 'disharmony' is plagued with an overwhelming failure to communicate. One spouse feels that I've said it once, I shouldn't have to say it again. "You are going to send us to the poor house!" The reality of it is, your spouse heard what you said, but is not certain that you mean what you say. (The spouse who cried wolf) Perhaps, if you try communicating on a different level such as, "Honey, remember 'we' discussed getting new furniture for the living room? Well, in order to do that, 'we' must curtail our monthly spending for the next two months to allow ourselves to save an additional $2000. 'I' will be reducing the number of days I eat lunch at a restaurant to 3 times a week and taking my lunch the other 2 days. How can 'you' limit your spending on a weekly basis to help meet 'our' goal?" WOW! Doesn't that sound a lot better and is more than likely to yield a positive response. I like that approach better than the slightly passive but mildly aggressive, "Have you checked our account lately??"

Keep in touch, I will update you on why failure to communicate reigns supreme in the annual contribution to the alarming divorce statistic!

Signed,
I know it, because I'm living it!

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